Monday, December 3, 2012

A Small Rant... if you will

Break a heart badly enough and it might never recover…  
(Dawson’s creek)

As I go I am going to share some of my fav. photos since I started this blog 2 years ago...  

I want to set the record straight because quite frankly I am a bit over the whole judgmental  “Oh you are single at your age”… comments and looks I am sick of getting… NOTHING wrong with being single…  I see so many of my friends bitching and moaning about husbands and kids on FB and to me … and well this is why … 
 I have had my heart broken in many ways in the past few years … some more memorable than others….  Whether it has been by a male, or friends, jobs etc, you get the idea. 
New Farm Park on winters afternoon and I was wearing flip flops 
 This weekend I have had a weekend of mourning the loss of a ultimate career goal for me…  While I am sure there is a very good reason but still … it has me going what did I do wrong...  What did I say wrong… the self-doubts I have worked so very hard to push to the back have resurfaced.  I wanted this to happen so badly and it really pushed me outside my comfort zones… which I will write about soon. 
Columbia Icefields - Alberta Canada 
 But I want to clarify about my single status… sure there are times when I have really missed having someone in my life.  But my life is full and I have worked so very hard to keep myself busy doing things I enjoy. 
Niagara Falls night show 
 I have not been fortunate to meet that special someone…  YET! I thought I did...  3 years ago almost 4 years I really thought I had.  I have never spoken publicly about what happened.  I kept my feelings buried for a long time… and there was an interesting counselling session last year where it all came out. 
Top of the Rock - NYC - right before our date :) 
 But I am going to say my piece right now…  and I hope it explains a lot …  how can someone who claimed to love to me so completely one minute to completely turn on me and not love me or talk to me again.  This is one thing I never understood… especially to be dating one month after the break up.  He went from being my everything … to nothing…  How do you deal with such loss?  I told him not to get involved with me and not to break my heart … and he wouldn't listen…then  He walked away without so much as a backward glance and digging his heel into my shattered heart and grinding into fine sand as he went. 
Only photo I really love .. I got really good at the selfies whilst travelling 
You are weak, you have an ego that makes you think you are better than the rest of us and is seriously damaging your psyche and you need to pull that seriously big stick out of your butt!!!!!  You are wound tighter than an elastic band about portraying the right image, making sure you look good… you know what?  People don’t care… they are so caught up in their own lives they don’t care about how your girlfriend talks, walks, looks… get over yourself!!!!!!!!   I really learnt a valuable lesson in that relationship…  Listen to your reservations; walk away when you have just too many questions.  I will never let myself get so destroyed again. 
Lost from last year - it is hard to believe it has been a year since the most wonderful girls have entered by life
 I have dated since sure…  I have enjoyed it but I listened to myself and realised it wasn't going to go anywhere.  Oh and for the record he was hot and black and Jamaican with the sexiest voice known to man! 
Noho - right where we met .. :) 
 Career wise…  I am fed up jumping from job to job… especially after what happened 2 years ago… While I am glad to be away from the bitching and the backstabbing (yes missy I know all about what you say about me behind my back – give it up I don’t talk about you and really seriously GET OVER it, It has been 2 years…) to be failed by someone who claimed to be an astute businessman, how did you lose touch so badly with the business?  And still do to this day …  
Brisbane - how I love thee
 I want to do my chosen career more often… it makes me really happy!!! And I love it and while yes it is hard in these economic time but I am sick of being overlooked because I look too young etc etc.. 
Sunflare happiness
 In terms of friends… through everything I have battled through I have done it pretty much alone…  I miss some them sure especially one of them … they know who they are … and probably will never read this… but still I have my memories like an interesting afternoon in the Nerang River near natural bridge … went past the other day and man it made me smile.  I have forgotten about that afternoon until last Tuesday and they have been on my mind ever since.  Wondering how their married life is treating them…  I hope they are well and every happiness in the world …they were my best friend for well over 20 years … they are the one person who truly knows me …  I miss having them there … 
Balloon fun 
 But once when someone who kept on breaking my heart the many times that he did …  said to me … “you are stronger than you know”…  I don’t know how I have made it through some pretty dark days… but I did …  I am stronger than I realise and if the last few months haven’t taught me that nothing will.  Too much physical pain will do that to a gal.
Balloon Fun 
 So in conclusion to my little rant…  “Only exceptional guys need apply”… My friends always look at me funny when they tell they have the perfect guy for me … and I reply with “is he exceptional?” ….  And Canadian! 
my favourite image ...  Peyto lake Alberta Canada